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Maybe we’re supposed to meet the wrong people
Maybe it’s the universe’s way of teaching us
To be careful of whom we let in
When it’s two in the morning
And your head is screaming
To let him know

But you can’t let him know
So you stay up til four trying to decide
Whether you should give in to your thoughts
Or if you should give up on him
Because my mother always told me
That I should never love someone
Who doesn’t love me back
And that I shall never throw the first stone
In a fight I would not win
And she warned me of you
That you would turn me into something I am not
But that didn’t stop me from falling in love
Not once but twice

You get better at hiding these things
The second time around
So no one suspects you’re drowning
In water that’s 12 oceans deep
And no one suspects you’re still suffering
Because when you have for so long
The doctors check your skin
Instead of your eyes

Everyone states the scars make you ugly
Which implies for some people
That beauty is only skin deep
Maybe that’s why my mother never liked you
She merely saw the scratches and aches
That you left on me
While never taking the time
To get to know you from the inside
Like I did

We spend so much time in the dark
That we forget what it’s like to see the light
But we can’t live in the sun
Without getting burnt
And we can’t live in the darkness
Without it consuming us

I think we start to recognize it’s over
When we begin to fall more in love with the memories
Than the soul who lies standing right before us

My journal (via thinsquids)

I broke up with my boyfriend this week. Aside from the fact that he sometimes liked to treat me like shit, I’ve been digging myself back into a hole that I can’t get out of. I haven’t been eating, sleeping, or really doing much of anything. If I’m not at work or school (which I’ve been skipping regularly), I’m probably laying in bed trying to make myself get up. When I got to my breaking point, he just couldn’t seem to deal with me anymore, and I don’t blame him because, well, when I get like this I shut everyone out and just plain refuse to speak about it. I’d been telling him for days that I just wanted to be alone, but he kept insisting that there is nothing wrong with me, and that I’m fine, which sent me even farther down into the hole that I so often retreat to. He just couldn’t understand what it’s like to hate yourself and have everyone around you act like there’s absolutely nothing to be upset about.. Like I’m overreacting to something so small. But if he could just see inside my head for two seconds, he’d know. But he couldn’t, so I had to end it. He’s not taking it well, and I’m just about ready to drive off the i35 flyover bridge nearest me. Thinking that I could ever do that to someone else, even someone who made me feel worthless for so long… I don’t deserve to be happy.

And worst part is, I think I’m gonna miss his dog just as much as I’m gonna miss him..

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